The Outlaw Life

running, reading, blogging, loving

Loosening the regins

on May 2, 2013

So, lets slow this groove down a bit.


Let’s talk diet.

I talked last week about feeling the frustration with this bit of a plateau I’ve been in lately. I’ve gotten that scale down to 180, but it’s just not wanting to budge from there. And this week most likely didn’t help things. Example A: a midnight trip to Jack in the Box, and all the danger that accompanies such a trek. Example B: Two words. Red. Velvet. So do I beat myself up for it, do I move on and accept it, do I take it as inevitable? Truth? I do all three, in a super-awesome kind of triple step dance number.

For me, at the end of the day, I know that, just as skipping a meal or two won’t make me lose a million pounds, eating a meal or two won’t make me gain. So, in the grand scheme of life, I’m doing my best to mentally let go a bit and accept this as a failure that happens. I’m trying really hard to get away from the “diet” mentality of “bad” foods or “never” foods because, AS I JUST PROVED, there is no such thing as a “never” food. But that’s really hard, especially as a person who is bat-shit terrified of going back to the place I used to be in terms of weight and fitness. And it’s a long way down that road, but all journeys start with a single stepped, including doomed ones.

So I beat myself up a bit (WARNING:: adult language ahead) – and this is the part of the blog that isn’t the prettiest, but is the truest – and thought, you know, that I’d really fucked up, again, and that how could I be doing something so awful to myself when I knew how awful it was, and was I stupid, and damn it, what did this mean for my today, or my tomorrow? Time at the gym? Should I track the calories? No, because then I’d have to face the number of how fucking disgusting this is.

It’s a hard war we wage sometimes, those of us in that constant struggle with how much we weigh and what our bodies look liked. And I want to be real here for a second: it does matter. I know that it doesn’t really matter what the scale says, because I’m not a number. I understand this completely, and I think that Elizabeth actually wrote a great post about this same subject recently. But I also want to be real that to me, it DOES matter what the scale says. I want that number to go down, it’s a goal of mine to have that number go down. Yes, I want to meet markers for my running pace, my weight lifting, my flexibility. But I also want that number to go down. So, the final stage of Dieter’s Grief, if you will, is acceptance.

It’ll happen again. Hopefully when it does I can minimize, if not eliminate, that beat-up session. If not, then as long as I keep moving forward and coming to that place of acceptance, then I know I’ll get there in the end. I just need to, you know, loosen the reigns a bit.

So…what do you think? Does the scale matter? What are your diet frustrations?


4 responses to “Loosening the regins

  1. ohh the scale. i don’t have one. every time i think of getting one i stand on the scale at my friend’s house, see the number, get bummed and realize that no i do not want a scale. the number that looks back at me is about 10 lbs higher than i’d like (bc apparerently no matter what i do i can not take them off and after 6 months at this weight and all the working out its starting to get realllllly frusterating) but im happier than ive ever been so that should be what i focus on.

    • Chelsea says:

      I’m seriously thinking about getting rid of mine. I mean, I don’t get on it all that often – maybe once a week or so – just to check where I’m at as far as progress goes, but I do admit that more often than not it’s probably a crutch. But then there’s this other voice in my head that keeps chanting “calories in, calories out” and the scale seems to be a part of that somehow…I don’t know. I wish I had more answers, though! All I know is that right now I feel better about my body than I ever have and all my clothes are officially too big, so I’m just trying to keep the focus on that!

      • Charlotte says:

        Ahh congrats on all the clothes being too big!! that’s the best feeling 🙂 And i totally know what you mean about the scale being there to prove that you’re doing everything right. maybe try only getting on once a week, or every 2 weeks and sticking to it?

      • Chelsea says:

        I like that idea, the two week thing. Enough to make sure I’m staying in track without letting myself get obsessed. Thanks, homie 🙂

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